Joy Comes in the Morning
The sun beat hard arid rays upon Annie’s shaking shoulders. She felt as if the very foundation of her life was crumbling to the ground around her. Everything that she cherished most had been ripped away leaving a sensation that the person she had been was fading fast. She waited on this course grainy dirt for the tears to come, and still her cheeks remained dry. Annie had been running haphazardly trying to deal with her problems; unsure if she was hoping to outrun the recent events or finally catch up with them. It didn’t really matter because she had fallen and was now staring up into the harsh winter sunlight, simply floating between who she had been and who she would have to become. She was no one, nameless, and yet in the back of her mind a persistent thought nagged at her anonymous bliss. That thought plainly told her she would eventually have to address the horrible things that had happened to her. But for now, Annie couldn’t think about those things. She couldn’t focus on the fact that her grandmother had passed away just a few days before her dog suddenly got sick and died. She didn’t know how to deal with her close friend choosing to attend a college thousands of miles away or her mother’s worsening paranoia. Most of all she refused to acknowledge that the one person who remained by her side through all of these things, not only her best friend but the man who had loved her for years, was not even speaking to her anymore. She wasn’t angry about these things, only numb to any emotion. After all there wasn’t anyone to blame. Her grandmother had died because she was old, the veterinarians did all they could for her dog, it was Hannah’s dream to attend whatever college it was that she kept chattering about, and neither her mother or anyone else could help her mental state. William had fought a long time with his parents about their decision to not let him date her and Annie knew that if he disobeyed them he would be thrown out of his house. She didn’t blame his parents too much either because both of them had grown up in very strict Baptist homes. While she thought it was extremely excessive that they had forbidden her and William to even contact each other, she knew that they only wanted what was best for their son and viewed dating in college as a sin. The emotions were welling up inside of her but they just wouldn’t come out. She sat up and felt herself slowly returning to cognizance and, with that first appearance of her alert mind, she experienced a flash of clarity before her adopted state of numbness engulfed her. Maybe it is easier to deal with pain when you are mad because you can let in at least some emotions and consequently have to recognize that whatever has happened has indeed taken place. But for me, Annie thought bitterly, that realization will never come because I can’t even feel anymore. Again she paused, looking up and hoping for some glimpse of the passionate deep-feeling person she knew herself to be, but still her eyes were tearless and she barely noticed the dark clouds passing over head. “O Lord, you are my rock and my redeemer,” Annie whispered, “but I no longer feel your peace or comfort.” She felt so lost and weak staring into the ensuing darkness of the expansive sky left with only the knowledge that she was becoming estranged from herself. In the final wave of her cognizance, she silently cried out for something that she could not even name before succumbing to the falling depths of despair that at least allowed her to feel. As she slipped away from her former self, soft cool rain began to fall, gently caressing her upturned face and wrapping her whole body in a refreshing embrace. She let go of herself completely and tears slowly formed, running down her face and pooling in the shallow hollow of her neck. She no longer feared pain but welcomed it and felt that though her heart was breaking, she had finally seen her suffering and in that instant learned to overcome it. Her tears mingled with the falling rain as she grieved and healed. “… for weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalms 30: 5.
The sun beat hard arid rays upon Annie’s shaking shoulders. She felt as if the very foundation of her life was crumbling to the ground around her. Everything that she cherished most had been ripped away leaving a sensation that the person she had been was fading fast. She waited on this course grainy dirt for the tears to come, and still her cheeks remained dry. Annie had been running haphazardly trying to deal with her problems; unsure if she was hoping to outrun the recent events or finally catch up with them. It didn’t really matter because she had fallen and was now staring up into the harsh winter sunlight, simply floating between who she had been and who she would have to become. She was no one, nameless, and yet in the back of her mind a persistent thought nagged at her anonymous bliss. That thought plainly told her she would eventually have to address the horrible things that had happened to her. But for now, Annie couldn’t think about those things. She couldn’t focus on the fact that her grandmother had passed away just a few days before her dog suddenly got sick and died. She didn’t know how to deal with her close friend choosing to attend a college thousands of miles away or her mother’s worsening paranoia. Most of all she refused to acknowledge that the one person who remained by her side through all of these things, not only her best friend but the man who had loved her for years, was not even speaking to her anymore. She wasn’t angry about these things, only numb to any emotion. After all there wasn’t anyone to blame. Her grandmother had died because she was old, the veterinarians did all they could for her dog, it was Hannah’s dream to attend whatever college it was that she kept chattering about, and neither her mother or anyone else could help her mental state. William had fought a long time with his parents about their decision to not let him date her and Annie knew that if he disobeyed them he would be thrown out of his house. She didn’t blame his parents too much either because both of them had grown up in very strict Baptist homes. While she thought it was extremely excessive that they had forbidden her and William to even contact each other, she knew that they only wanted what was best for their son and viewed dating in college as a sin. The emotions were welling up inside of her but they just wouldn’t come out. She sat up and felt herself slowly returning to cognizance and, with that first appearance of her alert mind, she experienced a flash of clarity before her adopted state of numbness engulfed her. Maybe it is easier to deal with pain when you are mad because you can let in at least some emotions and consequently have to recognize that whatever has happened has indeed taken place. But for me, Annie thought bitterly, that realization will never come because I can’t even feel anymore. Again she paused, looking up and hoping for some glimpse of the passionate deep-feeling person she knew herself to be, but still her eyes were tearless and she barely noticed the dark clouds passing over head. “O Lord, you are my rock and my redeemer,” Annie whispered, “but I no longer feel your peace or comfort.” She felt so lost and weak staring into the ensuing darkness of the expansive sky left with only the knowledge that she was becoming estranged from herself. In the final wave of her cognizance, she silently cried out for something that she could not even name before succumbing to the falling depths of despair that at least allowed her to feel. As she slipped away from her former self, soft cool rain began to fall, gently caressing her upturned face and wrapping her whole body in a refreshing embrace. She let go of herself completely and tears slowly formed, running down her face and pooling in the shallow hollow of her neck. She no longer feared pain but welcomed it and felt that though her heart was breaking, she had finally seen her suffering and in that instant learned to overcome it. Her tears mingled with the falling rain as she grieved and healed. “… for weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” Psalms 30: 5.
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