Monday, October 29, 2007


I am so so tired. Every part of my body aches and I feel like I couldn’t possibly do any more work. The tips of my fingers are numb from the incessant typing that has filled my night and most of my afternoon. I have had so much work to do in every class that I am taking. I don’t think that I can write another paper or even read another word until I have slept at least twelve hours. I am falling behind in my school work. I missed a couple of my calculus and chemistry classes for family stuff and I am now finding that I cant quite follow my professors. I worked most of my afternoon on Chemistry and Calculus and at least I think I am starting to grasp the concepts. In reality the lessons aren’t really very hard, its just that I keep falling asleep or zoning out during class. This is so strange to me, I am usually so focused and now I can barely listen for five minutes before my mind just kind of blanks out.

I am getting sick. I can feel sinus problems coming on and I know that it is because of my lack of sleep and abundance of stress. My little brother has a horrible sinus infection and I am sure that a couple of days from now I will be feeling even worse than I do in my current state. I am working late into the night and getting up early in the morning. My eyes can barely stay open as I type this. I am a very fragile person, If I lose sleep then I get sick. That’s just how it works for me. I stayed up especially late tonight working on the only non-school-related work that I have done in a while. I decided to make a scavenger hunt for my little brother Ben (the one who is sick) because he is staying home from school for a couple of days. He was telling me that he wanted to do something fun with me and I unfortunately had to explain that I had no time for anything except work. I felt so bad about this and wanted to show him that I love him so much so I decided to create some interesting clues and hide them around the house before I go to sleep. I say go to sleep, but recently its been more like a short period of unconsciousness followed by intense pain upon waking.

I have no time. My days are filled with cramming in school work and then trying to accomplish some of my other responsibilities. Aside from writing English and UNHP papers all the time, I try to spend a little time with my parents and my brothers. I usually have to make sure that Sam has enough food and clean clothes and stuff like that because he is even busier than I am. There are so many other random things that I have to cram in like church stuff and work. The one thing that I consider most important in my day is my time with God. Ideally I would like to spend an hour each day reading my Bible and praying but over the past couple of weeks that time has slowly dwindled down to twenty minutes. Sometimes I even forget to spend time in the Word altogether. This really upsets me because in my hectic life right now one of the first things to be reduced is my God time and right now I need Him most. I hate that I don’t spend enough time praying and reading but I am just so tired in the morning and night that I tell myself God will understand if I make my time with Him short. I know that he does understand and that my worth is not measured by my actions but I really feel that when I don’t spend enough time with God that I am hurting myself.
Wow! This post is all over the place. I am exhausted and I just kind of wrote without thinking. I guess that the things I typed are the things that weigh heaviest on my mind right now. Anyway, I’m not trying to complain. I am ecstatically happy with my life right now even if things aren’t always the way I want them to be

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